my own conversation with God...

Feeling a little unsure of myself, who I was and where I wanted to be in my life, I went on a spiritual retreat to seek his face. My own faith was in question, I had fallen away from him and was hiding in the delights of the world, when he came to me.

I was in the temple, it was my assigned time for adoration, we had the consecrated Eucharist out an through the night we’d keep vigil. Shoeless, for I was in the presence of God, I knelt before the altar, head down and arms hiding my face. I was forced down to the floor, face down by some unseen force, and I lay seemingly asleep while he lay out his plan for me alone to hear.

His plan was a simple one, one that will come out in due time. Unsure that I was the right person for this plan, I listed to him all my sins and failings, I’m terrified to speak in front of people and I am not exactly the type of person anyone could even remotely mistake for being holy. He laughed at this, reminding me that he knew my secrets before I said them. He forgave them and said when the time came, I would be ready for his mission. He also reminded me that I had free will, and it was really my choice to accept or decline, but he hoped I would accept for my sake.

The awesomeness of the fact that he wanted me shook me to the very core of my being and silently I accepted and could feel the warmth of his presence flowing through me. It seemed like an eternity that we were joined, then the same forceful power that had struck me down, lightly tapped my shoulder. It’s time to leave now. The entire encounter had only lasted an hour, and it was time for me to find my replacement for the night watch.

I left the temple, still glowing from the warmth of his presence. The members of my group commented on my change, but they couldn’t tell exactly what it was. That is still somewhat of a secret, the time is not yet here. But the message starts with one phrase, “God is here. He loves and forgives us and all he wants is that we not forget him.”

date written: 12 October 2001

2007© shenkai