The Insights

it is strange how it always seems to happen when you least expect it. Take the Celestine Prophecies for instance. I have always heard from people who have read the book that they have usually found it moving, and life changing. Believe it or not, I've never found this to be the case, and I have read it before when I thought I could use the insights that everyone had been telling me of. When my relationships were troubled and I needed guidance, but it never worked.

So now, when I've been without a relationship for about five, maybe six years, this movie the Celestine Prophecy comes out, and I, driven by my love of Hector Elizondo movies am drawn to put the thing in my Netflix queue, and out of the blue it finally shows up, yesterday, but of course it was Thursday, so I had to watch CSI. Maybe it was better that way, since now I am unable to sleep because of all the thoughts flowing in my head. The movie, unlike the book, took me to the place that I needed to be all those years ago. It is in finding out these teachings now, seeing them in the context of a place I have been, in the places that I was in at those times when I thought that reading the book would help me. I know now that my relationships were doomed, not because there was no love or attraction, because even to this day I still feel it, but because we had not achieved the ability to love. WE were losing ourselves in the relationship, not really being a part of the relationship, but actually being dragged along.

I'm sorry now for the loss. I always have been sorry about it, but it is as if it is all opened up again, the hurting is once again fresh, the betrayal, the agony, but I realize that it is so I can move past it. WE weren't meant to be together in this lifetime, and it still may be a few times more before it is meant to be. And maybe my spirit can learn from this, and help teach you in the next, so that we may finally find our way back to heaven.

2007© shenkai